Note from Ryan: This is a guest post from my wife, Stephanie. While she has always handled the editing responsibilities on this blog, she has never written a post until today. For more of Stephanie’s content (including some amazing pictures of the food she makes that I get to enjoy daily), connect with her on Instagram here. See you in the comments section! – Ryan

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Several years ago during Ryan’s and my engagement I was chatting with an acquaintance about how the wedding planning process was going. I excitedly recounted the details of a recent venue tour.

“Well, I hope you can find a place that is handicap accessible,” this person responded. I was impressed they were thoughtful enough to consider this detail. Unless someone has personal experience with wheelchairs, accessibility is not something most people are necessarily aware of. I was about to assure them I hadn’t run into any issues with venue accessibility, but before I could open my mouth, this person let out a deep sigh.

“Ryan must feel so bad about what he’s doing to the rest of your life,” they said sadly.

I’m not even totally sure what this means, as Ryan didn’t exactly have to put a gun to my head to talk me into marrying him. In fact, people are often surprised to learn I actually made the first move in regard to our romantic relationship. (More on that story in Ryan’s forthcoming memoir!)

Regardless, I have received a fair number of questions and comments about my relationship with Ryan ever since we first started dating. Some are tactless, but I believe most come from genuine curiosity and I truly do not mind it. I understand our relationship looks different from the outside. I don’t know what I would have thought if earlier in life I had been able to look into my future and see a snapshot of my marriage, sans context.

Ryan and I have gotten all the curious stares in public. Strangers assume I am Ryan’s sister, caregiver, or, on occasion, even daughter. The fact that I could possibly be his girlfriend/fiancée/wife doesn’t even seem to cross people’s minds. I wonder if that is partly because the mindset of the person I mentioned above isn’t totally unique.

Contrary to what my acquaintance seems to have assumed, I’m pretty content with my life. Aside from Ryan being kind, smart, funny, wise, considerate, strong, brilliant, thoughtful, affectionate, doting, and encouraging in general, here are three more reasons marrying a quadriplegic did not ruin my life:

• “For better or for worse” actually holds some weight

I believe the way someone responds to adversity is one of the most authentic expressions of their true character. I am grateful for the opportunity I had to enter marriage with full confidence and evidence that when hardship inevitably hits, my spouse will take life in stride, demonstrate resilience, look for the best in every situation, and refuse to take on a victim mentality.

If ever there was anything that could ease apprehension about vowing the rest of my life to another person, it is the preview I’ve had of Ryan’s true character. There is a feeling of security that comes from knowing I get to weather all of life’s storms with someone who trusts God deeply and demonstrates remarkable endurance.

• We have learned what really matters in a relationship—and what doesn’t

Ryan and I would love to be able to do a lot of things we are not able to do currently. There are many areas of our relationship and our lives that we wish looked different. We can focus on those things—or we can turn our attention elsewhere. Communication, shared values, friendship, and a desire to serve one another are all areas that are not hindered by our circumstances. When we make intentional decisions to build into these areas, we discover a richness of relationship that is far more gratifying than anything else could be, even if our circumstances were closer to what is typical.

• We have a greater appreciation for the little things

It might sound cliché, but hardship truly does make us appreciate the little things. Last week we were sitting outside on our deck in the sun when Ryan commented, “This is the life!” I couldn’t help but laugh—it’s pretty easy to come up with a more ideal circumstance than a few minutes outside in humid Cincinnati counting down the minutes until Ryan has to transfer back into bed due to spasticity and pain. But the contrast of the daily grind gives us a genuine appreciation for things like sitting in the sun, eating a delicious meal, or enjoying a good conversation. (Check out this post for a tangible way we practice gratitude in our relationship.)

It would be disingenuous to say there aren’t challenges associated with what Ryan’s injury means for our marriage and daily life. Perhaps I will write about that another day. But these circumstances, which I never imagined I would’ve chosen for myself (and certainly not for the person I love most in the world), also cultivate some advantages that I am incredibly grateful for.

What are some misconceptions people have had about your life? How do you handle them?